The Innocents Abroad

The Innocents Abroad by Mark Twain
Popular Talk of the Excursion—Programme of the Trip—Duly Ticketed for the Excursion—Defection of the Celebrities
Grand Preparations—An Imposing Dignitary—The European Exodus— Mr. Blucher's Opinion—Stateroom No. 10—The Assembling of the Clans— At Sea at Last
"Averaging" the Passengers—Far, far at Sea.—Tribulation among the Patriarchs—Seeking Amusement under Difficulties—Five Captains in the Ship
The Pilgrims Becoming Domesticated—Pilgrim Life at Sea—"Horse- Billiards"—The "Synagogue"—The Writing School—Jack's "Journal"— The "Q. C. Club"—The Magic Lantern—State Ball on Deck—Mock Trials— Charades—Pilgrim Solemnity—Slow Music—The Executive Officer Delivers an Opinion
Summer in Mid-Atlantic—An Eccentric Moon—Mr. Blucher Loses Confidence—The Mystery of "Ship Time"—The Denizens of the Deep—"Land Hoh"— The First Landing on a Foreign Shore—Sensation among the Natives— Something about the Azores Islands—Blucher's Disastrous Dinner— The Happy Result
Solid Information—A Fossil Community—Curious Ways and Customs—Jesuit Humbuggery—Fantastic Pilgrimizing—Origin of the Russ Pavement— Squaring Accounts with the Fossils—At Sea Again
A Tempest at Night—Spain and Africa on Exhibition—Greeting a Majestic Stranger—The Pillars of Hercules—The Rock of Gibraltar—Tiresome Repetition—"The Queen's Chair"—Serenity Conquered—Curiosities of the Secret Caverns—Personnel of Gibraltar—Some Odd Characters—A Private Frolic in Africa—Bearding a Moorish Garrison (without loss of life)—Vanity Rebuked—Disembarking in the Empire of Morocco
The Ancient City of Tangier, Morocco—Strange Sights—A Cradle of Antiquity—We become Wealthy—How they Rob the Mail in Africa—The Danger of being Opulent in Morocco
A Pilgrim—in Deadly Peril—How they Mended the Clock—Moorish Punishments for Crime—Marriage Customs—Looking Several ways for Sunday—Shrewd, Practice of Mohammedan Pilgrims—Reverence for Cats—Bliss of being a Consul-General
Fourth of July at Sea—Mediterranean Sunset—The "Oracle" is Delivered of an Opinion—Celebration Ceremonies—The Captain's Speech—France in Sight—The Ignorant Native—In Marseilles—Another Blunder—Lost in the Great City—Found Again—A Frenchy Scene
Getting used to it—No Soap—Bill of Fare, Table d'hote—"An American Sir"—A Curious Discovery—The "Pilgrim" Bird—Strange Companionship—A Grave of the Living—A Long Captivity—Some of Dumas' Heroes—Dungeon of the Famous "Iron Mask."
A Holiday Flight through France—Summer Garb of the Landscape—Abroad on the Great Plains—Peculiarities of French Cars—French Politeness American Railway Officials—"Twenty Minutes to Dinner!"—Why there are no Accidents—The "Old Travellers"—Still on the Wing—Paris at Last——French Order and Quiet—Place of the Bastille—Seeing the Sights—A Barbarous Atrocity—Absurd Billiards
More Trouble—Monsieur Billfinger—Re-Christening the Frenchman—In the Clutches of a Paris Guide—The International Exposition—Fine Military Review—Glimpse of the Emperor Napoleon and the Sultan of Turkey
The Venerable Cathedral of Notre-Dame—Jean Sanspeur's Addition—Treasures and Sacred Relics—The Legend of the Cross—The Morgue—The Outrageous 'Can-Can'—Blondin Aflame—The Louvre Palace—The Great Park—Showy Pageantry—Preservation of Noted Things
French National Burying—Ground—Among the Great Dead—The Shrine of Disappointed Love—The Story of Abelard and Heloise—"English Spoken Here"—"American Drinks Compounded Here"—Imperial Honors to an American—The Over-estimated Grisette—Departure from Paris—A Deliberate Opinion Concerning the Comeliness of American Women
Versailles—Paradise Regained—A Wonderful Park—Paradise Lost—Napoleonic Strategy
War—The American Forces Victorious—"Home Again"—Italy in Sight The "City of Palaces"—Beauty of the Genoese Women—The "Stub-Hunters"—Among the Palaces—Gifted Guide—Church Magnificence—"Women not Admitted"—How the Genoese Live—Massive Architecture—A Scrap of Ancient History—Graves for 60,000
Flying Through Italy—Marengo—First Glimpse of the Famous Cathedral—Description of some of its Wonders—A Horror Carved in Stone——An Unpleasant Adventure—A Good Man—A Sermon from the Tomb—Tons of Gold and Silver—Some More Holy Relics—Solomon's Temple
"Do You Wiz zo Haut can be?"—La Scala—Petrarch and Laura—Lucrezia Borgia—Ingenious Frescoes—Ancient Roman Amphitheatre—A Clever Delusion—Distressing Billiards—The Chief Charm of European Life—An Italian Bath—Wanted: Soap—Crippled French—Mutilated English—The Most Celebrated Painting in the World—Amateur Raptures—Uninspired Critics—Anecdote—A Wonderful Echo—A Kiss for a Franc
Rural Italy by Rail—Fumigated, According to Law—The Sorrowing Englishman—Night by the Lake of Como—The Famous Lake—Its Scenery—Como compared with Tahoe—Meeting a Shipmate
The Pretty Lago di Lecco--A Carriage Drive in the Country--Astonishing Sociability in a Coachman--Sleepy Land--Bloody Shrines--The Heart and Home of Priestcraft--A Thrilling Mediaeval Romance--The Birthplace of Harlequin--Approaching Venice
Night in Venice--The "Gay Gondolier"--The Grand Fete by Moonlight--The Notable Sights of Venice--The Mother of the Republics Desolate
The Famous Gondola--The Gondola in an Unromantic Aspect--The Great Square of St. Mark and the Winged Lion--Snobs, at Home and Abroad--Sepulchres of the Great Dead--A Tilt at the "Old Masters"--A Contraband Guide--The Conspiracy--Moving Again
Down Through Italy by Rail--Idling in Florence--Dante and Galileo--An Ungrateful City--Dazzling Generosity--Wonderful Mosaics--The Historical Arno--Lost Again--Found Again, but no Fatted Calf Ready--The Leaning Tower of Pisa--The Ancient Duomo--The Old Original First Pendulum that Ever Swung--An Enchanting Echo--A New Holy Sepulchre--A Relic of Antiquity--A Fallen Republic--At Leghorn--At Home Again, and Satisfied, on Board the Ship--Our Vessel an Object of Grave Suspicion--Garibaldi Visited--Threats of Quarantine
The Works of Bankruptcy--Railway Grandeur--How to Fill an Empty Treasury--The Sumptuousness of Mother Church--Ecclesiastical Splendor--Magnificence and Misery--General Execration--More Magnificence A Good Word for the Priests--Civita Vecchia the Dismal--Off for Rome
The Modern Roman on His Travels--The Grandeur of St. Peter's--Holy Relics--Grand View from the Dome--The Holy Inquisition--Interesting Old Monkish Frauds--The Ruined Coliseum--The Coliseum in the Days of its Prime--Ancient Playbill of a Coliseum Performance--A Roman Newspaper Criticism 1700 Years Old
"Butchered to Make a Roman Holiday"--The Man who Never Complained--An Exasperating Subject--Asinine Guides--The Roman Catacombs The Saint Whose Fervor Burst his Ribs--The Miracle of the Bleeding Heart--The Legend of Ara Coeli
Picturesque Horrors--The Legend of Brother Thomas--Sorrow Scientifically Analyzed--A Festive Company of the Dead--The Great Vatican Museum Artist Sins of Omission--The Rape of the Sabines--Papal Protection of Art--High Price of "Old Masters"--Improved Scripture--Scale of Rank of the Holy Personages in Rome--Scale of Honors Accorded Them--Fossilizing--Away for Naples
Naples--In Quarantine at Last--Annunciation--Ascent of Mount Vesuvius--A Two Cent Community--The Black Side of Neapolitan Character--Monkish Miracles--Ascent of Mount Vesuvius Continued--The Stranger and the Hackman--Night View of Naples from the Mountain-side---Ascent of Mount Vesuvius Continued
Ascent of Mount Vesuvius Continued--Beautiful View at Dawn--Less Beautiful in the Back Streets--Ascent of Vesuvius Continued--Dwellings a Hundred Feet High--A Motley Procession--Bill of Fare for a Peddler's Breakfast--Princely Salaries--Ascent of Vesuvius Continued--An Average of Prices--The wonderful "Blue Grotto"--Visit to Celebrated Localities in the Bay of Naples--The Poisoned "Grotto of the Dog"--A Petrified Sea of Lava--Ascent of Mount Vesuvius Continued--The Summit Reached--Description of the Crater--Descent of Vesuvius
The Buried City of Pompeii—How Dwellings Appear that have been Unoccupied for Eighteen hundred years—The Judgment Seat—Desolation—The Footprints of the Departed—"No Women Admitted"—Theatres, Bakeshops, Schools—Skeletons preserved by the Ashes and Cinders—The Brave Martyr to Duty—Rip Van Winkle—The Perishable Nature of Fame
At Sea Once More—The Pilgrims all Well—Superb Stromboli—Sicily by Moonlight—Scylla and Charybdis—The "Oracle" at Fault—Skirting the Isles of Greece Ancient Athens—Blockaded by Quarantine and Refused Permission to Enter—Running the Blockade—A Bloodless Midnight Adventure—Turning Robbers from Necessity—Attempt to Carry the Acropolis by Storm—We Fail—Among the Glories of the Past—A World of Ruined Sculpture—A Fairy Vision—Famous Localities—Retreating in Good Order—Captured by the Guards—Travelling in Military State—Safe on Board Again
Modern Greece—Fallen Greatness—Sailing Through the Archipelago and the Dardanelles—Footprints of History—The First Shoddy Contractor of whom History gives any Account—Anchored Before Constantinople—Fantastic Fashions—The Ingenious Goose-Rancher—Marvelous Cripples—The Great Mosque—The Thousand and One Columns—The Grand Bazaar of Stamboul
Scarcity of Morals and Whiskey—Slave-Girl Market Report—Commercial Morality at a Discount—The Slandered Dogs of Constantinople—Questionable Delights of Newspaperdom in Turkey—Ingenious Italian Journalism—No More Turkish Lunches Desired—The Turkish Bath Fraud—The Narghileh Fraud—Jackplaned by a Native—The Turkish Coffee Fraud
Sailing Through the Bosporus and the Black Sea—"Far-Away Moses"—Melancholy Sebastopol—Hospitably Received in Russia—Pleasant English People—Desperate Fighting—Relic Hunting—How Travellers Form "Cabinets"
Nine Thousand Miles East—Imitation American Town in Russia—Gratitude that Came Too Late—To Visit the Autocrat of All the Russias
Summer Home of Royalty—Practising for the Dread Ordeal—Committee on Imperial Address—Reception by the Emperor and Family—Dresses of the Imperial Party—Concentrated Power—Counting the Spoons—At the Grand Duke's—A Charming Villa—A Knightly Figure—The Grand Duchess—A Grand Ducal Breakfast—Baker's Boy, the Famine-Breeder—Theatrical Monarchs a Fraud—Saved as by Fire—The Governor—General's Visit to the Ship—Official "Style"—Aristocratic Visitors—"Munchausenizing" with Them—Closing Ceremonies
Return to Constantinople—We Sail for Asia—The Sailors Burlesque the Imperial Visitors—Ancient Smyrna—The "Oriental Splendor" Fraud—The "Biblical Crown of Life"—Pilgrim Prophecy-Savans—Sociable Armenian Girls—A Sweet Reminiscence—"The Camels are Coming, Ha-ha!"
Smyrna's Lions—The Martyr Polycarp—The "Seven Churches"—Remains of the Six Smyrnas—Mysterious Oyster Mine Oysters—Seeking Scenery—A Millerite Tradition—A Railroad Out of its Sphere
Journeying Toward Ancient Ephesus—Ancient Ayassalook—The Villanous Donkey—A Fantastic Procession—Bygone Magnificence—Fragments of History—The Legend of the Seven Sleepers
Vandalism Prohibited—Angry Pilgrims—Approaching Holy Land!—The "Shrill Note of Preparation"—Distress About Dragomans and Transportation—The "Long Route" Adopted—In Syria—Something about Beirout—A Choice Specimen of a Greek "Ferguson"—Outfits—Hideous Horseflesh—Pilgrim "Style"—What of Aladdin's Lamp?
"Jacksonville," in the Mountains of Lebanon—Breakfasting above a Grand Panorama—The Vanished City—The Peculiar Steed, "Jericho"—The Pilgrims Progress—Bible Scenes—Mount Hermon, Joshua's Battle Fields, etc.—The Tomb of Noah—A Most Unfortunate People
Patriarchal Customs—Magnificent Baalbec—Description of the Ruins—Scribbling Smiths and Joneses—Pilgrim Fidelity to the Letter of the Law—The Revered Fountain of Baalam's Ass
Extracts from Note-Book—Mahomet's Paradise and the Bible's—Beautiful Damascus the Oldest City on Earth—Oriental Scenes within the Curious Old City—Damascus Street Car—The Story of St. Paul—The "Street called Straight"—Mahomet's Tomb and St. George's—The Christian Massacre—Mohammedan Dread of Pollution—The House of Naaman—The Horrors of Leprosy
The Cholera by way of Variety—Hot—Another Outlandish Procession—Pen and-Ink Photograph of "Jonesborough," Syria—Tomb of Nimrod, the Mighty Hunter—The Stateliest Ruin of All—Stepping over the Borders of Holy-Land—Bathing in the Sources of Jordan—More "Specimen" Hunting—Ruins of Cesarea—Philippi—"On This Rock Will I Build my Church"—The People the Disciples Knew—The Noble Steed "Baalbec"—Sentimental Horse Idolatry of the Arabs
Dan—Bashan—Genessaret—A Notable Panorama—Smallness of Palestine—Scraps of History—Character of the Country—Bedouin Shepherds—Glimpses of the Hoary Past—Mr. Grimes's Bedouins—A Battle—Ground of Joshua—That Soldier's Manner of Fighting—Barak's Battle—The Necessity of Unlearning Some Things—Desolation
"Jack's Adventure"—Joseph's Pit—The Story of Joseph—Joseph's Magnanimity and Esau's—The Sacred Lake of Genessaret—Enthusiasm of the Pilgrims—Why We did not Sail on Galilee—About Capernaum—Concerning the Saviour's Brothers and Sisters—Journeying toward Magdela
Curious Specimens of Art and Architecture—Public Reception of the Pilgrims—Mary Magdalen's House—Tiberias and its Queer Inhabitants—The Sacred Sea of Galilee—Galilee by Night
The Ancient Baths—Ye Apparition—A Distinguished Panorama—The Last Battle of the Crusades—The Story of the Lord of Kerak—Mount Tabor—What one Sees from its Top—Memory of a Wonderful Garden—The House of Deborah the Prophetess
Toward Nazareth—Bitten By a Camel—Grotto of the Annunciation, Nazareth—Noted Grottoes in General—Joseph's Workshop—A Sacred Bowlder—The Fountain of the Virgin—Questionable Female Beauty—Literary Curiosities
Boyhood of the Saviour—Unseemly Antics of Sober Pilgrims—Home of the Witch of Endor—Nain—Profanation—A Popular Oriental Picture—Biblical Metaphors Becoming steadily More Intelligible—The Shuuem Miracle—The "Free Son of The Desert"—Ancient Jezrael—Jehu's Achievements—Samaria and its Famous Siege
Curious Remnant of the Past—Shechem—The Oldest "First Family" on Earth—The Oldest Manuscript Extant—The Genuine Tomb of Joseph—Jacob's Well—Shiloh—Camping with the Arabs—Jacob's Ladder—More Desolation—Ramah, Beroth, the Tomb of Samuel, The Fountain of Beira—Impatience—Approaching Jerusalem—The Holy City in Sight—Noting Its Prominent Features—Domiciled Within the Sacred Walls
"The Joy of the Whole Earth"—Description of Jerusalem—Church of the Holy Sepulchre—The Stone of Unction—The Grave of Jesus—Graves of Nicodemus and Joseph of Armattea—Places of the Apparition—The Finding of the There Crosses——The Legend—Monkish Impostures—The Pillar of Flagellation—The Place of a Relic—Godfrey's Sword—"The Bonds of Christ"—"The Center of the Earth"—Place whence the Dust was taken of which Adam was Made—Grave of Adam—The Martyred Soldier—The Copper Plate that was on the Cross—The Good St. Helena—Place of the Division of the Garments—St. Dimas, the Penitent Thief—The Late Emperor Maximilian's Contribution—Grotto wherein the Crosses were Found, and the Nails, and the Crown of Thorns—Chapel of the Mocking—Tomb of Melchizedek—Graves of Two Renowned Crusaders—The Place of the Crucifixion
The "Sorrowful Way"—The Legend of St. Veronica's Handkerchief—An Illustrious Stone—House of the Wandering Jew—The Tradition of the Wanderer—Solomon's Temple—Mosque of Omar—Moslem Traditions—"Women not Admitted"—The Fate of a Gossip—Turkish Sacred Relics—Judgment Seat of David and Saul—Genuine Precious Remains of Solomon's Temple—Surfeited with Sights—The Pool of Siloam—The Garden of Gethsemane and Other Sacred Localities
Rebellion in the Camp—Charms of Nomadic Life—Dismal Rumors—En Route for Jericho and The Dead Sea—Pilgrim Strategy—Bethany and the Dwelling of Lazarus—"Bedouins!"—Ancient Jericho—Misery—The Night March—The Dead Sea—An Idea of What a "Wilderness" in Palestine is—The Holy hermits of Mars Saba—Good St. Saba—Women not Admitted—Buried from the World for all Time—Unselfish Catholic Benevolence—Gazelles—The Plain of the Shepherds—Birthplace of the Saviour, Bethlehem—Church of the Nativity—Its Hundred Holy Places—The Famous "Milk" Grotto—Tradition—Return to Jerusalem—Exhausted
Departure from Jerusalem—Samson—The Plain of Sharon—Arrival at Joppa—Horse of Simon the Tanner—The Long Pilgrimage Ended—Character of Palestine Scenery—The Curse
The Happiness of being at Sea once more—"Home" as it is in a Pleasure Ship—"Shaking Hands" with the Vessel—Jack in Costume—His Father's Parting Advice—Approaching Egypt—Ashore in Alexandria—A Deserved Compliment for the Donkeys—Invasion of the Lost Tribes of America—End of the Celebrated "Jaffa Colony"—Scenes in Grand Cairo—Shepheard's Hotel Contrasted with a Certain American Hotel—Preparing for the Pyramids
"Recherche" Donkeys—A Wild Ride—Specimens of Egyptian Modesty—Moses in the Bulrushes—Place where the Holy Family Sojourned—Distant view of the Pyramids—A Nearer View—The Ascent—Superb View from the top of the Pyramid—"Backsheesh! Backsheesh!"—An Arab Exploit—In the Bowels of the Pyramid—Strategy—Reminiscence of "Holiday's Hill"—Boyish Exploit—The Majestic Sphynx—Things the Author will not Tell—Grand Old Egypt
Going Home—A Demoralized Note-Book—A Boy's Diary—Mere Mention of Old Spain—Departure from Cadiz
A Deserved Rebuke—The Beautiful Madeiras—Tabooed—In the Delightful Bermudas—An English Welcome—Good-by to "Our Friends the Bermudians"—Packing Trunks for Home—Our First Accident—The Long Cruise Drawing to a Close—At Home—Amen
Thankless Devotion—A Newspaper Valedictory
Fond remembrances of the voyage from one year later.

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Submitted by scott on

I've been reading Michael Kiskis' compilation of "Mark Twain's Own Autobiography" (1990) along side the edition recently published by The Mark Twain Project. I wasn't looking for this but I found it and thought it an important note to add to my pages of The Innocents Abroad. Rather than try to paraphrase or re-type for that matter I've copped this from the on-line edition provided by the Mark Twain Project (I do own a hard bound copy and intend to get the subsequent volumes when available). According to the Kiskis book this first appeared in the North American Review, vol 186, no 618 July 5, 1907 465-474. Apparently Twain was not particularly happy with the role the Daily Alta California played in the publication of his letters and his subsequent lecture tour, although, I dare say they had some claim on the project having paid his passage as well as remittance for each letter. At this point in my reading of McKeithan, 1958, I would probably agree with Twain that the letters contributed only a small percentage of material found in the book.

"Notes on “Innocents Abroad”," in Twain, Mark. 2010. Autobiography of Mark Twain, Volume 1. Edited by Harriet Elinor Smith with Benjamin Griffin, Victor Fischer, Michael B. Frank, Sharon K. Goetz, and Leslie Diane Myrick. Mark Twain Project Online. Berkeley, Los Angeles, London: University of California Press.;style...

I wish to make a note upon the preface of the “Innocents.” In the last paragraph of that brief  preface, I speak of   the proprietors of the  Daily Alta California  having “waived their rights” in certain letters  which I wrote for that journal while absent on the  Quaker City  trip. I was young then, I am white-headed now, but the insult of that word rankles yet, now that I am reading that paragraph for the first time in many years, reading  it  for the first time since it was  written , perhaps. There were rights, it is true—such rights as the strong are able to acquire over the weak and the absent.  Early in ’66 George Barnes invited me to resign my reportership on his  paper,  the San Francisco  Morning Call ,  and for some months thereafter I was without money or  work;  then I had a pleasant turn of fortune. The proprietors of the Sacramento Union,  a great and influential daily journal, sent me to the Sandwich Islands to write four letters a month at twenty dollars apiece. I was there four or five months, and returned to find myself about the best known honest man  on the Pacific  coast .  Thomas  Maguire , proprietor of several theatres, said that now was the time to make my fortune—strike while the iron was  hot!—   page 227  break into the lecture field! I did it. I announced a lecture on the Sandwich Islands , closing the advertisement with the  remark “Admission one dollar; doors open at  half past  7, the trouble begins at 8.”  A true prophecy. The trouble certainly did begin at 8, when I found myself in front of the only audience I had ever faced, for the fright which pervaded me from head to foot was  paralysing . It lasted two minutes and was as bitter as death, the memory of it is indestructible, but it had its compensations, for it made me immune from timidity before audiences for all time to come.  I lectured in all the principal Californian towns and in Nevada, then lectured once or twice more in San Francisco, then retired from the field rich—for me—and laid out a plan to sail  westward  from  San Francisco  and go around the world .  The proprietors of the  Alta  engaged me to write an account of the trip for that paper—fifty letters of a column and a half each, which would be about two thousand words per letter, and the pay to be twenty dollars per letter .
I went East to St. Louis to say good-bye to my mother, and then I was bitten by the  prospectus of Captain Duncan of the  Quaker City   Excursion , and I ended by joining it. During the trip  I wrote and sent the fifty letters; six of them  miscarried,  and I wrote six new ones to complete my contract . Then I put together a lecture on the trip and delivered it in San Francisco at great and satisfactory pecuniary profit, then I branched out into the country and was aghast at the result: I had been entirely forgotten, I never had people enough in my houses to sit as a jury of inquest on my lost reputation! I inquired into this curious condition of things and found that the thrifty owners of that prodigiously rich  Alta  newspaper had copyrighted all those poor little twenty-dollar letters, and had threatened with prosecution any journal which should venture to copy a paragraph from  them!
And there I was! I had contracted to furnish a large book, concerning the excursion, to the American Publishing  Company  of Hartford, and I supposed I should need all those letters to fill it out with. I was in an uncomfortable situation—that  is,  if the proprietors of this stealthily acquired copyright should refuse to let me use the letters. That is  just what  they did; Mr. Mac—​something—I have forgotten the rest of his  name◊ — said his firm were going to make a book out of the letters in order to get back the thousand dollars which they had paid for them. I said that if they had acted fairly and honorably, and had allowed the country press to use the letters or portions of them, my lecture-skirmish on the coast would have paid me ten thousand dollars, whereas the  Alta  had lost me that amount. Then he offered a compromise: he would publish the book and allow me  10 per cent  royalty on it. The compromise did not appeal to me, and I said so. I was now quite unknown outside of San Francisco, the  book’s  sale would be confined to that city, and my royalty would not pay me enough to board me three months; whereas my  eastern  contract, if carried out, could be profitable to me, for I had a sort of reputation on the Atlantic seaboard acquired through the publication of six excursion-letters in the New York  Tribune  and one or two in the Herald.
In the end Mr.  MacCrellish  agreed to suppress his book, on certain conditions: in my preface I must thank the  Alta  for waiving its “rights” and granting me permission. I objected  page 228  to the thanks. I could not with any large degree of sincerity thank the  Alta  for bankrupting my lecture-raid. After considerable debate my point was conceded and the thanks left out.
Noah Brooks was  editor  of the  Alta  at the time, a man of sterling character and equipped with a right heart, also a good historian where facts were not essential. In biographical sketches of me  1902 written many years afterward  (1902),  he was quite eloquent in praises of the generosity of the  Alta  people  in giving to me without compensation a book which, as history had afterward shown, was worth a fortune. After all the fuss, I did not levy heavily upon the  Alta  letters. I found that they were newspaper matter, not book matter. They had been written here and there and yonder, as opportunity had given me a chance  working-moment  or two during our feverish flight around about Europe or in the furnace-heat of my stateroom on board the  Quaker City,  therefore they were loosely constructed, and needed to have some of the wind and water squeezed out of them. I used several of them—ten or twelve, perhaps. I wrote the rest of “The Innocents Abroad” in sixty days, and I could have added a fortnight’s labor with the pen and gotten along without the letters altogether. I was very young in those days, exceedingly young,  marvelously  young, younger than I am now, younger than I shall ever be again, by hundreds of years. I worked every night from eleven or twelve until broad day in the morning, and as I did two hundred thousand words in the sixty  days,  the average was more than three thousand words a day—nothing for Sir Walter Scott, nothing for Louis Stevenson, nothing for plenty of other people, but quite handsome for me.  1897 In 1897, when we were living in Tedworth Square, London, and I was writing the book called “Following the Equator” my average was eighteen hundred words a day;  1904 here in  Florence,  (1904), my average seems to be fourteen hundred words per sitting of four or five  hours.

Submitted by scott on

This information is from Ian Strathcarron's Innocence and War. On February 3, 1867, the editor of the New York Sun took Twain to church. The preacher was Henry Ward Beecher, who was organizing a tour of the Holy Land. It was already heavily subscribed by members of The Plymouth Church of the Pilgrims of Brooklyn Heights. Twain asked for a berth on the journey and Beecher said he would check with Captain Duncan. Rather than wait for confirmation, Twain arranged financing with the Daily Alta California, which was equally greedy for a scoop.

Twain did not impress the good captain. He had shown up for an interview in an inebriated state claiming to be a Baptist minister from the Sandwich Islands. But then the excursion was beginning to unravel. Beecher, along with thirty (30) other passengers withdrew. General Sherman withdrew two weeks later. “By the eventual date of departure, 9 June 1867, Mark Twain had become the main celebrity, at least the only person whose name one of two of them might have heard of. More importantly it also enabled him to claim the stateroom, which soon became RefusenikHQ.”

Strathcarron remarks that “a clear division among the passengers soon opened up”. The group he called “the Sinners” were mostly female and mostly journalists but also included the ship's doctor and purser “in fact anyone who hadn't paid or volunteered to make the Quaker City excursion”. The other group Twain label the “New Pilgrims”.

When Beecher and the 30 others “pulled out he opened the doors to dilution of the planned wothiness, and their places were taken by lesser-spotted versions of the same breed. These newly determined middle-class passengers, mostly from professions, were all uniformly grey in spirit if not color, sanctimonious and pious to the point of taxidermy, and desperate for social respectability and spiritual – or more precisely religious – salvation.”

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